Sunday, July 23, 2006
The days are long
Many a thing is not spoken regarding what it is to be a mother. Perhaps the negative is too scary a thing to embrace or uncover. I felt many things those first five months and perhaps the most overwhelming was the sheer sparse loneliness. In my diary in those early days I described that loneliness… “ it first creeps; then it lingers. It is not an absence- if only it was! No, it has a presence. An incumbent fat-arsed presence. it has moved in and will stay so far as the days are long.”
What pulled me out of this loneliness? My garden. Oscar ate dirt and I put my hands in earth and hoped to grow things that we could eat. I gardened by day and by night dreamed of gardens. It was a beautiful existence. When you have a garden things fade into that little niche under your armpit that I call Unimportant. The days weren’t long enough. When my garden started to take flight I felt the most serene contentment I have ever felt. I also felt the closest to the Great Gardener that I have ever felt. I was reliant on Him in a way that I never have before- I asked for contentment and He gave me a garden.