Tuesday, November 27, 2007
sleep is a beautiful thing. currently it is an elusive thing. my sleep has fallen by the wayside. in the mad rush to finish my last university paper for the year i managed to disrupt my volatile sleeping patterns where i now find myself inhabiting a quiet house at strange hours. and all those mad thoughts creep up on you when you try and get by on little sleep. last week i rested my head in an attempt to sleep but images of oscar with malaria or dengue fever plagued me- images of oscar shot, alex shot, anyone shot.
note to self: in future maybe don't do a bit of 'light' reading regarding the Timor Leste 1999 crisis before bed.
so i guess you could say that i am now beginning to feel scared. and the weight of the seriousness of the issues in the country we are entering are finally sinking in.and i keep having moments where i think that i could stay in this great house, in this great suburb, keep this great job, keep ducking up the road for great coffees and i wouldn't have to think about tropical diseases,curfews and emergency 'go bags' etc...
and i keep analysing my motivations and expectations over and over and get confused. and just have to back down and surrender myself to the unknown ahead.